Writers often ask me, “Do you read your reviews?” I used to read all the reviews of my books—every word. Why? Because I wanted to know what people thought about my work. But then I found a truism about me that started when I was a boy and followed me all the way into middle age: I tend to discount compliments and give way too much weight to criticisms.

While I enjoy seeing five-star reviews and greatly appreciate the kind words as well as the time it took for the reviewer to read my book and write their comments, I tend to shrug them off a moment later with the thought that the reader was just being nice. One- and two-star reviews, though, either make me angry at the reviewer’s idiocy (like the one-star I received for Aftermath, clearly advertised as a mystery, because the reader doesn’t like mysteries) or had me rethinking basic decisions I made in the story and sometimes regretting writing the whole book—or at least publishing it.

Wise authors have advised that, once a book is published and released “into the wild,” it is out of the writer’s hands and control. It’s not ours any longer; it belongs to the people. What individual readers make of it, say about it, and put in online reviews is their business, not ours. Like all art, writing is entirely subjective: what is a beloved treasure of a book to some is a waste of precious time and money to others. Who’s right? They all are. Nothing we write is going to please everyone. And as soon as we try to write something intended to please every reader, we can be assured that it won’t please anybody much, if at all.

Now, I find myself skimming reviews, ready to immerse myself if there are 4 or 5 stars but prepared to flinch and scroll away quickly if there are fewer than that. It’s an admitted weakness, a self-defense mechanism intended to protect my fragile ego. I’m sure I could learn how to write better if I took some criticisms to heart and applied those comments to my latest work-in-progress, but it’s hard to sort out the constructive critiques from the diatribes that can be summarized as “this was the wrong book for that reader.” If they don’t like my writing style and choice of themes, they’re not going to like anything I write, simple as that.

As I’ve written in previous blogposts, I think the purpose of reviews is to give other readers a feel for whether they’re likely to enjoy or dislike the book too. Even negative reviews can encourage others: if someone pans a book because of the language, sex, and/or violence, and you tend to prefer books with adult language and themes, then one-star reviews could lead you to your next great read.

Reviews have become weaponized to some degree, where people decide they don’t like a theme, subject matter, or the author and post a scathing review of a book they haven’t read (and in some cases couldn’t have read because even the advance copies haven’t been sent yet). For most readers, though, they simply want to express their views about a book they finished or at least tried to read, because they want to encourage others or warn them away. It’s a form of public service.

Every writer who releases their book in the wild must decide how to regard reviews. Do you open yourself to the agony and the ecstasy? Do you zip past the negative remarks? Do you avoid reviews altogether? There’s no objectively “right” way to approach them for everyone—but there’s a right way for you. If you haven’t published your first book yet, I encourage you to develop a strategy now about how you’ll handle public reviews. If your books are available for sale, I hope you’ve found an approach that works for you. Please share it with me!